Client 9 is arguably irrelevant to McCain's run for the presidency. But we on the editorial board at McCainIsAPain are going to let our writers talk about it anyway. What better way to break their monk-like silent spell.

Basically, our writers have one thing to say: arguments about the insignificance of extramarital sex in Europe should have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the American public's reception of Spitzer's involvement with the Emperors' Club VIP. But since people like Alan Dershowitz are insisting that the story would not even make the "back pages" of European newspapers, we thought we might as well do some fact-checking.

Spitzer actually shows up on the front pages of several European papers, including Il Gorniale 

and El Pais. And we don't read German, but we know lingerie when we see it. Additionally, the story is currently among the top five most emailed on The Guardian's site, with the headline, "'Mr. Clean' Exposed as Call-Girl Client".

But this is stating the obvious. Obama is even bigger news for European audiences and the primacy of U.S. political celebrity abroad is well-established. We just don't know what Dershowitz thinks is so much better about front pages in Europe than in the U.S. Nor do we think the argument makes any sense.

As New York's attorney general, Spitzer cast himself as a crusader for civic virtuosity. Unless he's planning to take his "steamroller" ways to Nevada, we expect him to uphold the letter of the law in New York. If Spitzer wanted to legalize prostitution in New York, he could have added it to his Day One Agenda and chosen to run as a libertarian.  

God Only Knows

First of all, I would like to take back everything I have ever said about John McCain NOT having a tasteful presence on Youtube. But there is more to this clip than excessive nose-blowing. There is a demonstration of pure genius, and here I am talking about implicating none other than the Beach Boys in one man's hoped-for "airmail" delivery from the U.S. to Tehran.

I mean, I understand the backlash against the idea of bombing Iran, but can we talk a little more about the Beach Boys? ESPECIALLY when we talk about foreign policy? Why haven't we ALWAYS done this? Surely I am not the only person to be thinking of the lost opportunities of the Clinton years. The obvious one, of course, is Rwanda. As in:

Help Rwanda, help help Rwanda

but don't forget Kosovo! It sounds JUST LIKE Kokomo!

We'll get there faster if Congress says no
That's right, we're GOING to go
Right into Kosovo

Bill must be kicking himself.

I was starting to worry about McCain's lack of a campaign strategy, especially since Mitt Romney thought of "money-raising" for his. But if the mormons can be taught to like the Beach Boys, guess who jumps back into the front-runner spot?

Oh yeah.

Sail on Sailor indeed!

Ow, That Roll Call Hurt My Feelings

In what John McCain is calling a huge slap in the face to ordinary, unsuspecting Americans, most of the senate got together over the weekend to have a vociferous, if ultimately ineffectual debate about the plan for a troop surge in Iraq. According to McCain, it is "insulting to the public and our soldiers" for the senate to assume that gathering in Washington to debate foreign policy initiatives amounts to "discharging our responsibilities in any meaningful way." So, while his colleagues in the senate went to work on a Saturday, John McCain positioned himself to selflessly absorb the barbs being hurled, right and left, at vulnerable American voters: he went to Iowa.

Yes, that's right. On a day when even Hillary-Stepping-Stone-Clinton and Smoky Joe-I-Memorized-the-Gettysburg-Address-Obama went to work in their capacities as senators, McCain called them out on their offensive "political stunt." And then hit the campaign trail.

Disdain for branches of government and a system of checks and balances aside, this is all part of McCain's wider efforts to leave himself open for interpretation. Even as he remains "unwavering" in his support of the war, his policy of not actually voting on anything leaves him blameless.

And yet, while it is irksome to watch U.S. senators abandon their duties and constituencies almost two years before the next presidential election, at least we know that by calling votes on issues critical to his campaign, the senate can actually keep McCain out of Washington.

Don't Make Me Turn This Bus Around

What says flip-flopping better than a wetsuit? This must have been the question George W. Bush's campaign strategists asked themselves before broadcasting the famous anti-Kerry commercial in '04 in which the unfortunate also-ran's windy hobbies were used against him. McCain, on the other hand, knows better than to subject himself to the elements. He takes the bus. While it remains to be seen if he will traverse the country in an updated version of the Straight Talk Express, we now know that he has hired the same brains behind those windsurfing ads to work on his '08 campaign, as reported by the New York Times today.

This is a smart move on McCain's part. He could use a little increased sensitivity to people who are for things before they are against them. What great ads he'll have! I mean, speaking of wind, remember the confederate flag in South Carolina? Who was that crazy guy who held at least two positions on that flag in a single speech? Maybe we can make a commercial about him! And what about the guy who was anti-Jerry Falwell before he started loving Jerry Falwell? And that guy who made campaign finance reform a top issue and never shut up about it until its most recent vote on the senate floor, when he was mysteriously absent from any/all debate?

John McCain is no stranger to the flip-flop. Good thing he's paying the right people to convince the electorate otherwise.

Maverick Was a Character in Top Gun

Earlier this week, I came down with a violent stomach flu. On the brink of vomiting and trying to hurry along the process, I thought a lot about widely disseminated and misguided views of John McCain as a "maverick" senator, the "rogue" republican from Arizona. This did the trick. John McCain is not a maverick. He's not a rogue. He's really not even a centrist. I'm serious. I would like everyone to stop calling him these things. More importantly, I would like people to stop electing him to public office. MOST importantly, I would like to make sure he never becomes president.

Hence, this blog. Stay tuned!